Is It Too Late?
by Sassy Girl
Summary: Jude realizes that she just made the biggest mistake ever. Is it too late for her to fix things? A 2 part shorty from Jude's POV. *Completed*
1. Part One

**Author's Note:** I had to take a small break from doing Together Again and try something a little different. I wanted to do a piece where Jude struggles with whether or not she did the right thing. Why the conflicting parts change around. It is from her POV too.

I hope you guys like it. Comments/Suggestions are always welcome. Flames leave at the door.

**...**

**Part One**

Is it wrong of me to think that I just made the biggest mistake I could possibly make? Why does it have to hurt so damn much? It feels like a part of me was just ripped from my soul.

Is it wrong to have what I worked so hard for? I mean, I deserve it right? This is my calling, London's the answer. I wanted the rock star life. The fame, the music. It's always been about the music. My dream to become an artist. All I ever wanted was too have people listen to me.

But then why does it not feel like it? Why does it feel like something is missing…someone is missing? I know I can do this, I know I can get on that plane and have everything that I ever wanted, take that final step in my career.

And be happy.

Oh who am I kidding. I can't do this… Not without him. There comes a time in a girls life that she's gonna have to do the right thing. Right? Why can't I have everything. Why not? I mean, it's what I wanted in the first place.

What if it's too late though? What if I ruined any chance of there ever being an us because I was caught up in the moment. I was determined to do this all on my own. Spread my wings and fly. I wanted to show the world…by my self.

By my self.

Those words burning a hole in my heart. They're stuck on repeat.

It never fails that when you think you made the right choice, it could end up being the wrong one. But maybe it was the right thing to do and I'm just scared because it was all happening so fast.

Yes! That's it. I'm just scared. This is a big step. What a perfect time to start doubting myself.

EXCUSES!

I could write my own book on the many excuses I can come up with to avoid the truth, to avoid the warning sign that I, Jude Harrison, am a complete moron. I threw him away. I was selfish, in denial. I was blind. Confused and well…stupid.

This is going to leave a scar. A deep, thick, ugly scar.

Sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight to leave. Not many people even recognized me, which was nice. A moment of peace, even if my thoughts and my heart wasn't giving me that right now.

It was never suppose to be this complicated. I'm only 18. I shouldn't be tied down. I should be going out having fun, doing my music, living my dream. But just even thinking about doing it alone, it leaves an empty feeling in my gut. I feel regretful.

How can someone leave such an impact that you would do just about anything to fix it and make it right again? How can he be so good but yet no bad all at the same time?

Am I cursed? Will I always feel this way, that I can never stand on my own two feet without ever having to depend on him? Is this my punishment for loving him hen I wasn't suppose too? I get that there are consequences to every action you take. Some are easier to deal with while others take a lifetime to get over.

I try not to think about it. I try not to think about him because I know I'll want to go back. But if I don't do this, then I'll be giving up everything that I worked hard for. I don't know if there will ever be another opportunity like this again. Once in a life time deal.

Maybe one day I will fix the broken hearts I made…mine and his. Maybe it just was never meant to be and this was a lesson in life I had to take so I can be stronger, become a better person.

Lesson learned, this sucks.

I pulled the brim of my hat down further over my eyes, shielding them because I didn't want anyone to see my cry. The reality of it all finally catching up to me. I love Tommy Quincy but my career is more important…at least right now.

Yeah, Jude Harrison, the superstar…

Wait a minute, do you honestly think I was going to give up that easily? I know that I can do this on my own because if I didn't I wouldn't have gone this far. But there is one thing that I am sure of. There was no doubt 100% in my mind. Call me foolish, call me a stupid girl, I love Tommy and I'm not going to just throw it all away because of my pride.

Now if only he would see it that way. Staring at his number and picture on my phone…I wouldn't even know what to say, what could I do to fix this and make him see that I was wrong and I want him, that I want him with me when I go out on this adventure. Together with no thousands of miles between us.

Torn. Struggle. Argument. Hurt. All the things I feel inside. Yes. No. I should. I shouldn't. I love him. He loves me. I hurt him. He hurt me. He's good. He's bad. He's hot. He's cold. Risk it. Chance it. Go for it. Don't do it. Run. Stay. He's not worth it. He's everything. Peanut Butter. Jelly.

I lost track because the next thing I knew, I screamed. It's hard to argue with yourself knowing that whichever which way you look at it, it is a losing battle.

"_Attention flight members of Flight 218 to London, your flight has been delayed until tomorrow. Stormy conditions are making it difficult for flights to go out tonight…"_

I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing that my flight was on delay. I didn't even know it was raining because I've sat here in the same place for the last two hours arguing with myself trying to figure out what to do.

Should I stay or should I go?

But now, I have this nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me, _Here's your sign_.

Sometimes it's for the best to just tell yourself to shut up and stop. I'm giving myself a headache. Whatever I decide, whatever the outcome is because I believe this will be the true test, I made the right decision to for once stop listening to what I want and get what I need. And if it ends badly, then I did it with my head held high.

Time flew by without even realizing what I was doing or where I was going. One minute I was standing in the middle of the airport lounge and the next I was on my way out the door. I jumped in the closest cab and told the driver to go.

Now here I was, standing outside in the pouring rain, which by the way was coming down like a water fall. Not even five minute after stepping out of the cab, I was soaked from head to toe.

There was no hesitation to my decisions or actions. I knocked on his door. I don't think he heard me so I banged on it, as hard as I could. I did this until an agonizing pain shot through the side of my hand.

"Please answer…" I begged calling out, but the air blowing around me carried my plea away. My voice got caught in my throat, the rain mixing with the salty drops of my tears. Maybe it was too late after all. Maybe I was fooling myself to think that there was still hope and we would be able to get through this. Maybe I really was meant to do this alone.

No!

I didn't just do this, I didn't just run out and come all this way to find out that I can't fix this and make it right. I have too try, don't I? Don't I deserve everything?

**...**

Am I out to torture you? Of course, it's my job as a writer to make you want more so you will come back. I didn't get the chance to finish the whole thing so I cut it in half and the last part will come tomorrow some time.


	2. Part Two

**Author's Note:** Forgive me for not releasing this sooner. It's hard to write those bittersweet scenes and plus trying to do some writing on the weekend, never worked out. I did a little switch kinda when I did the Tommy part. I think it would have been more complex if it was done in first person coming from her or him so I stuck with the third person. It's no biggy but just a warning.

And now, why did I end it the way that I did, very simple because I can. lol I didn't want to drag it out more then I already have and go into details because well, you never know there might be another. An extended addition or maybe A Tommy POV. Who knows. I'll leave it up to the muse.

Comments are always welcome. Flames are used for nighttime stories of idiocy. They're not welcome. I hoped you enjoyed this little tale.

**...**

**Part Two**

I kicked at the wooden door and dropped to my knees, clasping against it. This wasn't fair and I hated this so much. Everything came crashing down all around me. I could feel my heart breaking in two. It felt like slow motion, making the pain ten times worse.

I hunched over grasping at my chest as the heart wrenching sob exploded from my mouth. I cried so hard on the stoop of the front steps. I shook so uncontrollably, violently until every part of me ached like red, hot needles piercing my skin. I was cold to the core ad sopping wet. My clothing clung to my body, very uncomfortable and constricting, my hair was plastered to my face even with short hair it was still a hassle. The rain drops falling from the sky continued to hit me. Flashes of light could be seen above my head and rolls of thunder echoed in the still of the night.

I closed my eyes, leaning against the door and tilted my head up. Tears continued to fall but you couldn't tell and I lashed out.

"I get it, okay. I get it." I yelled to no one but myself. "I screwed up and this is my punishment. I don't deserve him. He deserves better…"

"Jude?"

My ears were playing tricks on me now as I thought for sure that the wind sounded just like him. Or maybe it was someone else who saw me and wanted to see if I was all right. I'd lie and say I was just thinking of a new song. Yes, that would exactly be it.

This lying stuff I was getting good at. Everyone would believe it except for me.

"Jude?" The sound of his voice came again, this time more clear then ever. "What are you doing here?"

My eyes shot opened, my head instantly turning to my left. They were deceiving me. He was standing only a few feet from me, just as wet as I was.

I sprung to my feet. "Tommy…" Making eye contact with him was devastating. Surprised and shock. Hurt and confused were staring back at me.

"What are you doing here?" He repeated, keeping his distance from me. I didn't blame him. "I thought you were on your way to London."

I looked away, staring at him and seeing the pain that I caused him in those eyes of his broke my heart. I couldn't see what I caused. "My flight was delayed." I told him, trying to fight back the trembling sound of my voice. "The storm…"

"I…um…" I fumbled. I was lost on what to say next. I haven't given it any thought on what I would say to him or what I'd do if I saw him. I didn't think, I didn't give myself time too.

I felt embarrassed…I wondered if he heard me when I yelled. How ridicules I might have looked yelling at no one except for the cool, wet breeze. I wanted to turn and run away but my feet were glued to the ground beneath them. I opened my mouth and I tried to force myself to speak, say something…anything. But nothing came out.

He stood there across from me, staring at me. I wondered what was going through his head when he saw me at his door.

"Come in?" He asked, nodding towards the door. He moved towards it, reaching in and pulling out his keys. I watched him and when he turned back to look at me, our eyes met.

We were frozen in time, the world around us came to a halt.

"I can't…" I forced myself to say.

"It's raining, Jude." He returned, "You'll be no good to London if you're sick."

I shook my head. "No, I can't." I told him again, slowly my emotions started to seep through.

Tommy rolled his eyes. His famous eye roll he would give me when I was being stubborn. "Suit your self then." His words were cold just like the look on his face. It felt like someone slapped me in the face. He turned away, seeking his keys out for the lock. "I don't have time for this."

I couldn't let him just leave again and shut me out. I had to act fast and I blurted my words out. "I'm sorry, Tommy."

He stopped.

"I lied to you, Tommy. I lied to you when I said I wanted to do this without you." The words came out easier then I thought. I felt a moment of relief before the tears fell. "I lied to you."

He kept his back to me. I heard him sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose, before he wiped at the rain drops on his face. He didn't say anything, probably the best thing because I don't know if I could handle the truth if it was over. I didn't give him time to speak anyways. I spilled out everything I thought and felt.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tommy." My voice cracked. "I thought I could…I know I can but I don't want too. I don't want to do this without you. I thought it was what I wanted but it's not. It means nothing if I can't have you too."

The lack of words, the silence that surrounded us was a blow to the heart. But I didn't expect anything less. I don't expect him to forgive me. Why would he anyways? I announced it to everyone that was watching me that I needed to do it on my own. I humiliated him. He gave me all and I threw it away.

I silently cried to myself. I think I just got it. I didn't feel anger like I hoped if he didn't say a word or even wanted to look at me. I understood that this might of happened. It hurt more then anything but I didn't think it would this much.

Shot down without a single word spoken. My pride was wounded, I felt foolish for coming and thinking there was still a chance. But I got it now. This really was the end.

**….**

Tommy stood there, the words piercing through the shield he had around his heart. He closed his eyes momentarily. Emotional roller coaster that never ended. There was a number of occasions that Tommy and Jude came together but there was always something that tore them apart. This was no different. Why should they keep doing this to themselves? How many more times are they willing to hurt each other before realizing they were better off going their separate ways?

He didn't know. He didn't care.

He would have waited for her, waited how ever long she needed to live out this dream of hers. He loved her, more then any other person he was ever with…even Angie…even his ex wife. She changed him sometimes without ever realizing it. He did think that they were truly over and he knew that he would have too let her go. You think a lot when you have the rain beating down on you, walking the streets and trying to figure out what went wrong, where did the road block come in and was there a way to fix it. But now she was here and everything just got even more complicated and confusing.

He was hurt, wounded inside. He felt a small part of him die when she wanted to go alone. She was his everything, he felt complete. Whole. The broken pieces of his past were picked up and put back together all because of her. She never gave up on them…on him even when he did. She looked passed the troubled family she saw him come from. She still loved him.

It amazed him how one single person could care so much for him.

**….**

He sighed again before he turned around to look at me. I could see the small puffy bags under his eyes that the rain couldn't disguise. I could see his love for me just behind my reach. The only thing that stood in my way was his pain. If only there was a way to fix that, for me to get him to see that my words were true. That I, Jude Harrison, love struck teenager, meant everything that I said. I was truly, whole heartedly 100% sorry. And if I could take everything that I said and do it all over, I would. I would do it right.

He stepped down off the step and stopped when he was in front of me. He fidgeted, restraining himself from reaching out and touching me. I felt the same. I missed his embrace, his arms around me. His kisses were like hot desires. They were demanding but yet passionate. They usually melted me into a pile of gooey mush.

"You really know how to confuse a guy, Harrison." He told me, moving a step closer. His eyes were narrowed with confusion but with great determination not to cave into his wants or needs. "It really hurt…"

"I know." I said, "I'm a stupid, stupid girl for thinking I wanted this without you." I sighed softly, my breath was shaky as it left me. "I don't expect you to forgive me. I wouldn't forgive myself. But I know I want you with me. I want my normal with you…" The last part barely got out because go figure I'm a basket case and started to cry again. "Tell me…it's not too late…for us….."

I frowned sadly as my head fell staring down at the concrete. "I'm sorry…" How many more times am I going to have to tell him that? I'm sure by now he's tired of hearing it. I'm tired of saying it. How pathetic do I sound, pretty pathetic if you ask me. What does he want from me? Does he want me to drop to my knees and beg because I will. Does he want me to shout it out how selfish I was, how sorry I am from the roof top of the tallest building because I will. Honestly, I would do anything.

I felt the electric shock run through me when he reached out and touched my arm. It took me more by surprise then anything else. I stared at the lingering touch. His hands were icy cold but it was warmth that I felt. It ignited, sending a chill down my spine.

"Jude…" He started to say but his words faded.

I looked up. How ironic it would be that staring back at me was that look of his that was just for me. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch into a gullible smile. "My look." I softly said.

Tommy closed the remaining space that separated us. I shivered when his fingers caressed my cheek and I willingly leaning into it. I closed my eyes, taking in the feeling, brushing my cheek along his knuckles. His thumb gliding over my bottom lip. "A look just for you, Jude." He said, his breath softly taunting my senses.

I blinked, tilting my head up to meet those dark eyes only to close them when he pulled me even closer to him, crushing me against him and demandingly capturing my lips.


End file.
